Silver: The Crack Edition
by Jaune Black Smudge
Summary: A spin-off of omakes for Silver by Imyoshi. Imagine Silver if the humor got a little bit...Nora. Enjoy and laugh at the hilarious insanity Jaune and his friends get into! (CURRENTLY ON HIATUS)
1. Chapter 1

**Hey guys! This is Jaune Black Smudge. Some of you may know may for being a guy whose great at bouncing ideas. Well, this is my first story. I got permission from Imyoshi to make this omake spin-off. You could consider this non-canon if you want to.**

 **A major difference you'll see in my omakes is that the humor is more crack-ish. So if that's not your cup of tea, sorry. By the way, it's best that you're caught up with Silver by Imyoshi to understand the dynamics of the characters. Anyways, read it, enjoy, and make sure to review!**

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 **Chapter 1: How Neptune Learned Not To Flirt With Other Girls**

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The sun was shining as bright as ever. The sky was an azure blue. The day seem to tense up with some hidden anticipation. It sounded like the setting for a wonderful day. And what better way to spend a day than watching teenagers beat the shit out of each other with weapons and superpowers!

CoughEveryShonenShowEverCough.

Thousands of people cheered throughout Amity Coliseum, all eager for the fight that will commence. Several had posters of fan favorites and others betted on who would win the Vytal Tournament. They all seemed to have a low opinion on a certain blond though. That's what they think.

 **"Ah well, Vacuo fans are sure to be hurting after that one, but this next one will have them on the edge of their seats!"** Oobleck commentated, slow enough for everyone to hear it.

 **"Team NDGO of Shade is certainly a crowd favorite. But these lovely ladies are going against some of the toughest, testosterone-filled, teammates we've seen so far,"** Port said while flexing.

 **"I'm of course talking about Team SSSN!"** The crowd cheered even louder. Some fangirls even had posters of the faces of Team SSSN. Although, the one for Sun just had a picture of his abs. Which was oddly appropriate.

 **"Sun Wukong and his team are certainly a force to be reckoned with. And although he'll be representing the Mistral Academy of Haven, I'm sure his friends and family back in Vacuo will be cheering him along."**

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In the stands, Jaune, Team JNPR, and Team RWBY were cheering for Team SSSN. Jaune was sitting next to Ruby, with his team to the right of him, and had gotten 2 popcorn buckets, one for him and one for Nora. Pyrrha and Ren didn't feel like getting any snacks.

"Good luck, Neptune!" Weiss cheered. Jaune was pretty surprised. He never really took Weiss for the cheering type. Neptune must be pretty special to her. While he got over his rather ridiculous crush on Weiss, he still called her Snow Angel mostly just for her reaction and he still cared about her as a friend.

Neptune better not say something stupid.

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Back in the arena, both Team SSSN and Team NDGO faced each other. Neptune had easily seen that NDGO was full of attractive ladies. And then proceeded to get his groove on. That idiot.

"Ladies?" Neptune quickly flirted with a smile. "Alright girls, try and remember. Hands _above_ the waist." Neptune motioned with both of his hands around his waist and lifted them to his torso.

"Ignore him, for he..." Sun looks at Neptune. "Yeah, he's dumb." Sun apologized. _Neptune, you idiot!_ Sun thought to himself.

Team NDGO just looked offended from Neptune's flirting.

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Jaune looked at Weiss. Her smile instantly left her and her eyes shone in anger. "Break his stupid face, NDGO!" Weiss screamed, teeth gritted and steam in her ears. Team RWBY and JNPR looked on in slight pity.

Jaune sighed in annoyance and decided that Neptune deserved some payback. Despite his nice demeanor, Jaune could be surprisingly vicious himself. Just ask his team when they play Call of Grimm: Atlesian Warfare. They be salty!

"Guys, I'll be right back" Jaune said, quickly leaving. He grabbed the suitcase Ren had brought, filled with markers, papers, and other stuff so Nora could draw. She got terribly bored when she had to wait for the matches and Ren brought those just so she could be occupied and wouldn't pester him. The Infinite Well of Wisdom had limits after all.

Pyrrha and Ren looked in concern. Nora looked up in anticipation. This was going to be... _eventful_ to say the least.

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 **"Oh, what's this? It seems like a fan of Team SSSN has something to show. It certainly is amusing to say the least."** Oobleck said dryly. Port was meanwhile laughing his guts out.

The audience looked to the top of the stands, where Jaune held a HUGE poster that said, 'AFTER ALL, WE WOULDN'T WANT TO DISAPPOINT YOU LADIES WITH NEPTUNE'S THREE INCH SOLDIER!'. The entire audience bursted into laughter.

But Jaune was never one to go through something halfway. So, he took out a loudspeaker and started roasting Neptune. Like Ozpin's coffee.

"Hey, NDGO!" Jaune hollered. Team NDGO looked up, faces laughing and paying attention.

"The name's Jaune Arc! Short, sweet, rolls off the tongue, ladies love it! Do they really? Just ask Ms. Goodwitch last night! There are a few things you got to know about Neptune. First of all, his dancing moves _suck_! Like if there was a dancing competition between him and a limbless Beowolf, the Beowolf would win hands down. Hell, if the fate of Remnant hanged on the balance of Neptune winning the easiest level of Dance Dance Remnant, Remnant would be screwed!" Jaune roasted.

The audience bursted into laughter, some even looking like they were dying. Somewhere, Goodwitch was bursting an artery in rage. Jaune suddenly felt his life expectancy going down.

Team RWBY also bursted into laughter. Ren and Pyrrha just sighed while hiding their amusement. Nora was grinning and laughing like a maniac. As if her birthday, Christmas, and National Pancakes Day came all at once. One thought resounded in their heads. _Only our Fearless Leader!_

"Hell, you want to know something? He has a fear of water! Seriously, water! Heck, try throwing a glass of water at him. I bet he'll scream like a little girl and faint! Heck, why just stick with Neptune? Let's include his entire team." Jaune said with a devious grin.

Team SSSN suddenly looked nervous. While they may have found Neptune's roasting hilarious, they definitely didn't want to be included.

"Let's start with the leader, Sun. You want to know the real reason he shows off his abs so much? To hide the fact that he has a short...staff. If you know what I mean?" Jaune wiggled his eyebrows suggestively.

The audience was roaring in laughter. And the author is getting tired of typing that over and over again. So, he's just going to say that the audience broke their legs instead. And no, Nora did not pay the author to say that.

Sun hung his head in embarrassment. He desperately looked at Blake, hoping she wasn't laughing. No such luck. She looked like she was laughing like there was no tomorrow. _Someone kill me now_.

"Then we have Scarlet. Who looks like some hipster pirate. But 50 Lien says that he's going to get hit in the nuts in the fight. And then we have Sage. The sword says it all, ladies and gentleman! I guess when you go black, you _can_ go back after all." The audience broke their legs. You thought I was joking? Well, I like big butts. So you know I can't lie. And yes, that was a joke. Laugh at my audacious fourth wall breaking.

 **"Ooh, it looks like they are going to need some Ice Dust for that burn."** Oobleck snarked.

All of Team SSSN groaned. They were _never_ going to get over that one. Goddammit, Jaune!

Jaune smiled when he saw Weiss laughing, with tears coming down her eyes. Then he felt a sense of impeding doom. Glancing to his right, he saw Goodwitch marching towards him, back rimrod straight. And she looked _pissed_. Which did wonders to certain areas of her body. Mainly her chest. And now Jaune's "Excalibur" was feeling weird. _Ooh, I'm touching myself tonight_.

"And that's it! I'm here all day. Arc out!" Jaune then dropped the loudspeaker. The audience broke their legs, cheered, and applauded. He then pumped Aura to his legs before he jumped from the top of the stands to roughly where his team was sitting. All while having his arms out like a bird in the air. _I'm a bird motherfucker, I'm a bird! Look at me motherfucker, I'm a bird!_

And that was the day that Neptune learned not to flirt with other girls.

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 **How was that? Hope you enjoyed it and if it made you laugh, review!**

 **Until next time!**


	2. Chapter 2

**Hey guys! So, I'm so happy because my first chapter was pretty well received. It did better than I expected. Thanks for all those who reviewed and for those who didn't, please do. They are what fuel me.**

 **So, here's the second chapter. Short but that's what omakes are. Short, sweet, rolls off the tongue, and ladies love it!**

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 **That Will Be The Day**

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Jaune yawned as he entered the Beacon Cafeteria. It had been a week since Team JNPR's Emerald Forest Trip and he was tired on a Monday. Nora and Pyrrha had already ate breakfast and were just lightly sparring last time he checked.

Jaune spotted Ren at their usual table and got his tray of pancakes before going over to eat with him. He had to dodge a few people here and there but he eventually got there.

"Morning." Jaune muttered. Ren silently grunted, too lazy to even respond verbally. Jaune took it in stride. Lazy old Ren.

A few minutes passed as both men silently ate their breakfast. After it passed, Jaune turned to Ren. "Hey Ren, can I ask you something?" Ren silently nodded.

Jaune sighed. "Well, it's just that, do you really think I can win the Vytal Tournament? I mean, I'm going to face three people who are stronger than _Pyrrha_. And she's the strongest first year we know!" Jaune frowned. This had been bothering him for a few days and the doubt was plaguing him badly.

Ren stayed silent for a moment before responding. "I believe you can win with your Aura attacks and your strategies. You just have to try." The expression on Ren's face seemed sincere enough.

Jaune chuckled dryly. "That's pretty damn unlikely."

Ren sighed. Try to help a brother out and he's all salty. "Look, I know that we can make it to the Finals easy enough. We got Nora and Pyrrha. But I won't have their or your help in the Free-For-All. And I don't want to fail you guys." Jaune broo- _frowned_ in deep thought.

"I'm sure your chances are pretty good." Ren assured him. Jaune lifted an eyebrow doubtfully.

He snorted. "Ren, the chances of me winning the Vytal Tournament are almost zero. Hell, I have a better chance of getting a harem consisting of Team RWBY, Pyrrha, Velvet, Coco, Weiss's older sister if she even has one, Professor _Goodwitch_ , Yang's mom, a pair of identical twins, a _robot_ with a soul, all the female First Years in the Tournament, three demigoddesses modeled after the seasons, an ice cream loving criminal midget, a black green haired thief, a sexy, hot, female criminal mastermind who wants to rule the world, and her evil witch mistress that wants to destroy humanity. That is how low my chances are. That will be the day Ren."

Ren just sighed before agreeing. Then he got up to leave. Jaune got up as well. They had History with Proffess- _Doctor_ Oobleck. And they didn't want to have detention with Professor Goodwitch later if they were late. Well, Jaune might but mostly because her attire and the thought of her "punishing" him with her riding crop made his Excalibur feel nice at night and _now he was going to stop thinking about that now!_

He's _so_ touching himself tonight.

But honestly, like what he said before was ever going to happen.

Somewhere, a mischievous fanfiction writer known as Mr. Black Smudge was inspired.

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 **1 Year Later**

"FUCK!" Jaune shouted as he ran for his life, panting for breath.

Chasing him was a love struck (possibly yandere-ish) Ruby, Weiss, Blake, Yang, Pyrrha, Velvet, Coco, Winter Schnee, Glynda Goodwitch, Raven Branwen, Miltia and Melanie Malachite, Penny Polendina, Neon, Arslan, Reese, May, Nebula, Dew, Octavia, Gwen, a bunch of other 40th Vytal Tournament competitors, Gamma (the female OC that Jaune will face in the Finals and whose name the author doesn't know), the Spring, Summer, and Winter Maidens, Neo, Emerald, Cinder Fall, and Salem.

"Whoever said that having a Harem Semblance would be awesome should be shot!" Jaune shouted, feeling his Aura drain. He quickly formed 5 identical clones that split up to distract the horde of enamored babes. Another "ability" of his damned Semblance.

He quickly dodged a few sniper shots from the sides. Ruby and May was behind him so that meant only one thing. The Remnant Anti-Jaune Arc Society. Or Rajas for short. Consisting of almost every guy in Remnant who wanted to kill him because he accidentally "stole" all their girls. Co-leaded by Qrow Branwen and Taiyang Xiao Long. Goddammit!

And that, ladies and gentlemen, was how Jaune Arc brought world peace.

And why he needs to buy a _lot_ of Viagra every month.

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 **So how was that? Might not have been as funny as Chapter 1 but I still hope it made you laugh.**

 **Please remember to review! And have a wonderful Memorial's Day (if you're in the U.S.)!**

 **Until next time!**


	3. Hiatus

**Hey guys!**

 **So, thanks you all for your condolences and stuff. I am very grateful for it. I've been able to get over my Grandma's death now and I promise I'll start updating. Eventually.**

 **P.S. Who else watched Sausage Party and thought it was fucking hilarious?! XD**


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